No Solicing Please

I have a deep seated loathing of unsolicited services, especially from people who expect to get all my personal information and none of mine. Just in case that could potentially be misinterpreted please read the sign above.

1/ I have no money and am to broke to spend any time on your pain in the butt self so get your dumb self off of my property, off my phone and out of my inbox.

2/ My personal sense of politics is nobody's business so don't get offended when I tell you that's none of your business who I vote for or if I vote at all.

3/ Same goes for religion, it's not your business so don't go getting ignorant if I don't tell you what my religion is or even if I have a religion, that's personal and even if it wasn't it's still none of your business.

4/ I prefer the Samoa cookies please, mix coconut and chocolate and you will have a fan for life.

5/No joke here, just leave and don't come back unless I personally confirm that I asked for your visit or you are a friend of mine. No business or services beyond doing my laundry and offering me free food please.

I'll bring the laundry out to the porch for you. When you're done just leave it folded neatly on the bench so I can come out and pick it up later.